A. Stark Place

    Oh sure, I learned some stuff in kindergarten, but does what I learned in my first year of public school really compare with the wealth of knowledge I acquired at university? I mean, c’mon, learning to play fair and refrain from punching, kicking, biting, and spitting on fellow pupils is important so far as it goes; and learning that peeing oneself, if discovered, will bring about the ridicule of one’s peers actually does help to avoid embarrassment, but surely my professors don’t sport such learned sweaters for no reason.
    On the contrary, those sweaters aren’t worn in vain at all, since all I really need to know I learned through my expensive university education. Here is a list containing a small fraction of what I’ve learned during my immersion in academia.

Lists Should Have Relevant Titles: Capitalized and Underlined

1. British and South African accents contain a powerful sedative. However, British and South African people have developed immunity to it.
2. While using a long, obscure word may sometimes make a person look more percipient, especially to those who don’t know its meaning, this will generally make that person look like a pompous moron.
3. Don’t ever wear sneakers with a suit.
4. Generally, the most ardent supporters of any movement don’t actually understand it, and they are most likely to be the ardent supporters of a different movement in the very near future. They likely won’t understand that movement either.
   
5. Most people believe everything they read in textbooks—until they read something else in a different textbook.
6. Bad people usually believe bad things.  However, people who refer to anything as bad are usually labeled bad people.
7. Whether you’re smart has little bearing on whether you’re right.
8. Mes amis, if you start a sentence in a certain language, you should finish it in the same language.
9. Proofread, poofread, pofred.
10. People often spend entire academic careers convincing themselves of complete crap.